Ava
by JammeyTart
Summary: When Tommy's girlfriend dies in childbirth he gives his daughter to an orphanage. 3 1/2 years later Adam and Sauli decide to adopt a kid. Also uploaded on AO3
1. July 2008

**July 2008**

Tommy leant down and kissed his daughter on the forehead. He took the necklace out of his pocket and facened it around her neck. He had put a leather rope through his favourite guitar pick. Tommy also had Ava rapped up in her mothers baby blanket. A little peice of both of them for her to have.

He never wanted the kid. But she was so persistant, and so supportive that he was gonna be a good father.

He was so crazy about Amy, he would do anything to make her happy. Unfortunately that ship had sailed.

This precious little girl had caused the death of the only person he had ever loved outside of his family. Tommy could never hate Ava tho. Death during childbirth is so common. It's not Ava's fault. She didn't do anything wrong. He kept telling himself this.

Yet Tommy still found himself at an orphange ready to hand his little girl over.

He just can't look after her. He has no clue what to do with a kid. This adorble little baby would be better off with a nice loving couple who could take care of her needs.

Tommy kissed Ava again.

"Mummy and Daddy love you forever." He whispered against the top of her head.

He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, unclipping the car seat and walked Ava to the front door.

He took a deep breath before walking inside.

It was a medium sized reception room. There was a desk at the back to the left, a door next to it. Three chairs lined the right wall and on the left wall ws a shelf with lots of brochures.

A wrinkly old lady greeted him chipily from behind the desk, asking him how his day had been. He was putting his kid in an orphanage, how did she think his day was.

"Can we do this as quickly as possible please." Tommy grumbled.

"Of course. Will you be having an open or closed adoption?"

"Closed. Just make sure she hs her blanket and necklace."

"Ok sir, if you could please just fill out this paper work."

She handed Tommy a booklet of paper work.

Once Tommy had filled everything out he handed it all to the lady. She put on the glasses that were hanging around her neck and flicked through the pages, slightly nodding her head during so.

"This seems all correct Mr Ratliff." She mumbled.

"I have her things in my car. Would you like me to get them?" He asked.

"That would be much appreciated."

Tommy walked out the front door and back to his car. He took the duffel bag out of the boot before going back into the orphange. One he got back inside a woman in what looked to be her early twenties was holding Ava.

"Here's the stuff." Tommy muttered, placing the bag down on one of the chairs.

"Hey I'm Sam. I'm one of the helpers here." Said the young lady holding Ava.

"Tommy." He said wanting to get out of this place as soon as possible.

"Well everything seems to be in order Mr Ratliff. You're free to go. We will call you if there are any problems with the forms." The old lady said giving him the all clear.

Tommy calmly left the building and got into his car. Once inside he crossed his arms across the stering wheel and began to cry.


	2. November 2011

**November 2011**

Sauli's left leg was curled inbetween mine, his arm wrapped loosely around my waist and his head was tucked underneath my chin.

"Baby." He muttered then tilted his head to kiss my neck.

"Mmmmm." I responded, unble to form a sentence in my post sex state.

"It's kind of about something important."

My head suddenly perfectly clear. I sat bolt upright, scared of what my love was going to tell me. He sat up next to me and grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.

"What is it?" I asked hoping he wouldn't her the nerves in my voice.

"Actually, never mind. It's a stupid thought.  
Sauli buried his head in my neck and began tracing small patterns on my hip.

I gripped his shoulders and pulled him of my neck so I could see his face. I then lightly pecked his lips before starting my rant.

"Sauli. You are the love of my life. Believe me when I tell you this. When I look at you I see perfection. Even when you look like death. The way you act, to me is perfection. Even when you do something that should thoroughly piss me off. When you talk to me, I alwys think it's the sweetest sound. Even when you say something mean. So why would you believe that I would consider anything that you think to be stupid? I love you Sauli. So, so much. I promise that you can tell me anything. No matter what it is."

I kissed him again as a reassurance.

"I love you too Adam. I just, I don't know how I should say it."

"Is it a language problem."

"No. I just am not sure how to tell you."

I lightly pecked his lips then pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"Just like a bandade." I said.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, they bore straight into mine. I reched over and gripped his hand, giving it a slight squeeze.

"I wanna have a kid." He said quietly.

My jaw dropped and my body completely froze. I had no clue on how I should respond to that. What do I say? How do I act? A kid. Are we ready for that? Could we handle it? Can we give it everything it needs? Will I have to be home more often?

"Adam. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

Does he want just one kid, or more eventually. Will we be good rolemodels? What if it hate's one of us? What if it doesn't like my singing?

"Adam, please baby. Say something."

I looked up and saw that tears had started to slowly make a path down Sauli's cheeks. Shit I had made my love cry. Say something now. Anything.

"I...Can...Were not even married."

Were not even married? Were not even married? Seriously Lambert, that's what you come up with. Great now my inner monologue sounds like my idiot brother. I'm just so confused.

"Baby, weve been together for a year. I love you more than you could possibly imagine. We can't get married becuse it's illegal in California. But if you really want that then we can go to Finland and get married, or go to New York or something. But I truely believe we are ready for this. I was thinking that because of your touring we wouldn't bed able to have a new born, but we could adopt a toddler. Though we should probably go out of state for it. There will be a smaller chance of paperrazzi catching on and that way we will be able to choose a kid and get it settled before the media find out."

"You've really thought about this." I said cutting off his ramble.

"Yeah, I have. Of course I will give you as much time as you need to think about this. And I promise that I am totally okay with whatever you want. I was just throwing it out there. I'm tired can we sleep now?"

"Okay love. I promise I will think hard about this. We can sleep now."

"Thank you Adam. I love you.

"I love you too Sauli."

I lay back down and Sauli moved into his usuall position. Legs tangled between mine, arm draped around my waist and head tucked under my chin.

I let out a content sigh and closed my eyes, letting myself slip into a deep slumber.


	3. Late November 2011

**Late November 2011**

It has been two weeks since I told Adam that I want kids. We haven't spoken about it since then. Adam has been avoiding the subject.

I put the fish I had just prepared into the oven and then began to get the vegetbles ready.

I felt dm slip his left arm around my waist. He kissed my neck then rested his chin on my shoulder. I twisted my neck round so that I could kiss his full lips, then I went back to cutting lettuce for the salad. Adam continued to hold me and slowly began to rock his hips from side to side.

"Adam go away. I am attempting to cook you dinner."

"Is there anything I can taste?" He asked s if he was five.

"No. Go away."

But of course he didn't listen to me. He just continued to rock his hips behind me and began to hum a tune in my ear.

"You got a song stuck in your head or something love?"

"Nope. Just super happy." He chirped.

Adam brought his right arm around and placed an envelope on the bench next to the chopping board.

"It's for you." Adam said excitedly.

"Adam. What have you done." I asked suspiciously.

"Open it."

"My hands are all yuck. Can you just put it in my back pocket. I'll open it later."

"Okay baby. Just don't forget."

He unlinked his arm from around me and began fidling with my jeans trying to stuff the envelope in my pocket. Once he had finlly got it in he plced his hand on mine, silently coaxing me to put down the knife. Once I complied he turned me around and kissed me. Once it began to get heated I pulled back. A childish pout appeared on his face.

"I don't want the dinner to burn. Now go be helpful and set the table." I said as sternly as I could.

He leant forward and pecked my lips one more time before going off to do his task. I turned around a large smile on my face and continued making the salad.

Once we had finnished cleaning up the dinner mess Adam went into the lounge to watch something on tv that had caught his eye and I went upstairs to the study. I turned on the computer and began to write a new blog. Once I had uploaded one onto both my official website and my hollywood blog, I texted Katri so that we could skype.

_*Conversation translated into English to make it easier*_

"Hey Sauli."Katri greeted, waving enthusistically.

"Hey Katri." I said waving back.

Katri was wearing a grey t-shirt with a metallic silver, abstract tree on the front. Her hair was tied back and her fringe was plated down the right of her forehead finnishing somewhere behind her ear.

"I miss you. I said. A small amount of sorrow seeping through my voice.

"Aww. I miss you too baby. But you're the one that decided to move to a magical castle in an enchanted land far far away to fufill your fairy tale romance. How is.."

"I told Adam I want kids." I blurted out cutting her off.

"Oh my God. I...What...When did you tell him?"

"Two weeks ago."

"How did he respond?"

"First he commented on the fact that we aren't even married yet, but then he promised that he would think about it."

"Has he said anything to you since then?"

"No. Infact, he has completely avoided the subject."

"You really want a kid that badly."

"So much. Like you wouldn't even know."

"Do you think that prehaps getting married first might be better?"

"One, marriage isn't even legal here yet. I told him, if he really wanted to get married that bad we could go to New York. Or better yet, finland. But marriage is just a written agreement saying we will love each other forever. We already know that though. Doesn't me leaving everything behind, not that I regret it, promise more than a marriage lisence."

"You are gonna get married one day though right?" Katri asked nervously.

"Of course I wanna get married one day."

"Ok. But why a child first Sauli?"

"I remember hearing Leila talking to scarlett about kids. She said 'You will never know true love until you have a child.' I want that Katri. I already light up every time a child enters the room. I want to know what it would feel like for that child to come running up to me yelling 'Daddy'. I want to stand in the doorway and wtch Adam sing the kid to the sleep. I want to teach him or her Finnish and all of my knowledge. Share all of my life experiences with it you know. Plus I wanna buy it super cute outfits."

"Aww Suli. I hope it works out for you. You and Adam would make fantastic parents."

"And you would make a kickass aunty."

The door of the study opened. Adam came in and stood behind me. He put his left hand on my shoulder and kissed my temple then casually rested his chin on the top of my head. He slung his right arm over my other shoulder and wrapped it around my waist.

"Hey Adam" Katri greeted, giving him a wave.

"Hiya gorgeous." He replied

"So what were y'all talking about?" Adam asked.

"Kids." Katri said, looking at Adam knowingly.

"Well then, I guess I'll leave you to it. Night Katri." My heart sunk.

"Night Adam." Katri said.

Adam unlinked his arms from around me.

"I'm gonna go read in bed. Don't be too long love."

He leaned down and I tilted my head up connecting our lips in a chaste kiss. Adam then walked to the door.

My face dropped and tears began to well in my eyes.

"Sauli." Adm said from the doorway.

"Yeah babe." I said trying to sound happy.

"Don't forget the envelope."

He then left the room closing the door behind him. I felt the tears begin to flow down my cheeks. I grabbed the envelope out of my back pocket.

"What's in it hun?"

"I have no clue."

"Well open it then." Katri said sounding excited while still trying to sound empathetic.

I slowly opened the envelope and pulled out its contents, putting them on the desk. I looked at what it wa and my jaw dropped. My tears became those of joy instead of sorrow.

"What is it."

"A whole bunch of out of state orphnage brochures." I said. Or at least I hope I said, my mind is so scrambled I could have been talking gobbledy goop.

"Oh my God. I'm gonn be an aunty." Katri squealed, jumping up and down in her set.

"Don't worry I won't tell anyone." She finished.

"I have to go to Adam. Bye Katri. Love you." I said super quickly.

I exited out of the internet and turned of the computer screen, not bothering to shut it down completely. I then left the study and went to the bedroom. Adam was lying stark naked, waiting for me.

"Took you long enough." He said playfully.

I ran and jumped onto the bed, locking my lips to his. I eventully pulled back and we stared into each others eyes.

"Make love to me."


	4. Early December 2011

/works/335191/chapters/568511

Sorry its a few days late. My house has no internet. :( I'll publish 2 chapters next week to make up for it.

So Glad Everyone is enjoying the story. It makes me jump up and down with joy :D. Your kudos and comments keep me going :)

Sorry the chapters aren't longer. I'm in my final year of school and have lots of homework and study to do on top of this.

Early December 2011

The music was blaring and there were bodies scattered everywhere.

Adam had called us all around to his house for what he was calling a 'Good News Party'.

It wasn't a full on drinking party but there were a few drinks. Adam said he didn't want anyone drunk for the announcement. Everyone was mainly just chatting and dancing.

"If Adam announces he's moving to Scandinavia, nobody will be very happy." Leila joked walking up beside me.

"Talk for yourself mum. If Adam announces he's moving to Europe I'll have my own "Good News Party'." Neil said laughing.

"Don't lie Neil. You'd miss your brother lots and lots." I said with a childish tone.

"And you would probably miss his more than over half of the people here." Leila added.

"Actually Neil wouldn't miss him. He would just move to Finland with them." I said making Leila laugh.

"You guys suck."

"Awww. Poor Neil. Are the big kids making fun of you baby." Brad said walking up and loudly kissing Neil on the cheek.

"Fuck off Brad."

"Fine then. Care to dance Tommy?" Brad asked, sticking his hand out to me.

"No. You know I don't dance."

"Cheeks. Feels. Rejected." He said putting on a fake pout.

"I'll dance with you Brad." Leila said.

"See boys, someone loves me."

Brad poked his tongue out at us then walked of to the the dance area dragging Leila behind him.

"Good luck mum." Neil yelled after them.

"I'm gonna go get a drink."

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed myself a beer. I went back into the lounge just as the music was turned off.

Adam and Sauli were standing on a couple of chairs by the window so that everyone could see them.

"So everyone one was called here today because Sauli and I have some very good news as y'all know." Adam started.

"So we realised that we are an incredibly boring couple and need a bit more drama in our lives. Sauli actually said something about true love and sharing experiences but, well I mean that's hardly important."

A chorus of laughter filled the air.

Adam's last sentence made it sound like they were planning on getting married. I didn't see a ring on either of their fingers though. Maybe

"Anyway." Sauli said cutting of my thoughts.

Sauli looked up at Adam, an unshore look adorning his face. Adam rubbed his back reassuringly.

"You tell them." He said, his voice a tad shaky.

Sauli took a deep breath before continuing.

"Adam and I, well, we've decided to adopt a child."

The whole room was silent for a minute until Neil spoke up and broke the tension.

"Wait does me being the uncle give me babysitting rights because I really would love the opportunity to screw up your kid."

The whole room burst into laughter and everyone began to congratulate the guys.

My mind froze.

Ava.

She was all I could think about at this moment. I had been trying to push her to the back of my mind for the past three years. But she never truly left.

I often wonder what she looks like. I don't even have any photo's of her, not even an ultrasound. I stupidly handed them all over with her. Just like I had stupidly asked for a closed adoption. Now I only have my memory.

I remember that she had bright blue eyes and red hair like Amy, but her nose and mouth had so closely resembled mine.

I felt the tears begin to pool in my eyes. I could feel the tears begin to pool in my eyes. I had to leave. If anyone saw me like this they would begin to ask the questions that I wasn't ready to answer. I guess if I left now they would still ask questions. But I would have time to calm down and come up with an answer.

I mean everyone knows how much I love little kids. I light up every time ones in the room. But I'm always told over the phone or via twitter that they are having them. I have always had time to break down after without anyone seeing me. If anyone knew the truth. Knew that I abandoned my own daughter like that.

I turned on my heel and ran to the door.

"Tommy.' I heard Adam shout from behind me.

But I didn't stop. I ran out of the house and to the nearest bus stop. I planned to go home, draw a bath and drink. Forget about all my problems.

Forget about Ava.


	5. Late December 2011

Late December 2011

(After Finland)

"I'm gonna beat you home." Sauli yelled.

He laughed as he sprinted of head of me. I didn't bother chasing after him. The view was better from behind than from side on. I just laughed, a content smile on my face. Everything about him was so contagious. His laugh, his smile, his sadness. Although when he's sad I'd do pretty much anything to make him happy again.

"Come on love. Hurry up." He yelled.

I chuckled and decided to speed up my pace. I watched him turn up the driveway and disappear out of sight.

I find it so mesmerizing, so therapeutic, just to watch him. Weather he be running, watching TV, or sleeping. Especially sleeping. My favourite though is watching him dance around the house and sing. During these times he acts as if he hasn't a care in the world. He's off in his own little place in his head, blocking out his surroundings. The people, the noises, the distractions.

I checked the mailbox once I finally got to the driveway. I grabbed the newspaper and stack of envelopes then headed up to our house.

Sauli jumped at me as I stepped inside flinging his arms around my waist.

"I won. You owe me a massage."

He pecked my lips then ran into the living room, plonking himself onto the couch.

I chuckled, closed the door behind me, then followed and placed the mail on the coffee table in front of him. I sat behind him on the couch, letting my thighs rest on either side of his hips, then began to rub his shoulders.

Sauli reached out and grabbed the stack of mail. He chucked the newspaper back onto the table and began to flick through the letters reading what was written on each envelope. One seemed to catch his attention because he froze and his shoulders tensed up.

"Adam."

"What is it love?" I replied, leaning my head down to kiss where his shoulder met his neck.

"The letter from social welfare is here."

My head jerked up and my hands dropped from his shoulders, ran down his arms and circled round his waist.

He slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. Unfolding it at what seemed to be a snails pace.

"We were approved." He shouted excitedly, before I even had the chance to red the first word.

He spun around, pushing my legs together and straddling my hips. He then crashed his lips to mine. My lips parted and his tongue darted into my mouth and began to battle with mine.

We pulled apart once we were both gasping for breath.

"We are going to adopt a kid." I said shocked, my mouth still hanging open slightly.

"Adam, were gonna be dads." Sauli said, completely ecstatic.

I could see the tears of happiness begin to form in his eyes and I could feel them forming in mine.

Sauli got of me, standing up, grabbing my hand and lead me towards the bedroom.

'I really hope I don't fuck this parenting thing up.' Was all I could think as we walked up the stairs.


	6. Early January 2012

Early January 2012

Adam parked the car outside the orphanage. Once he had turned the engine off we just sat there silent and unmoving. After a few minutes of the silence reached over and gripped his hand in mine. His palm was sweaty and I could feel him shaking slightly.

He looked at me and I could see the fear in his eyes. I brought my other hand up to cup his cheek and he leaned into the touch. I run my thumb gently over his cheek bone then I unclipped my seatbelt and lent over the console and pecked his lips. I rested our foreheads together.

"Adam. Listen to me. You're gonna be a great dad. We are both going to be great dads. And we are lucky that we have each other to fall back on during this process as well as your family and friends. They offered to help as much as possible."

"Our lives will be pretty much over." He muttered.

"No. You will continue working. I'll finally have a job for while you're away. And when we want some time for ourselves Leila can baby sit. She managed you and Neil for nearly thirty years. I'm sure she can handle a toddler. We're going to be fine. Trust me. Trust yourself."

"Ok" He said quietly.

"Ok" He said again, with a little bit more assertiveness this time.

"I love you Sauli." He said, the confidence slowly seeping back into his voice.

"I love you too baby. Soo much. Now we have to go inside and choose a child to take home."

I pecked his lips once more before we both got out of the car. Adam walked around to my side of the car then we walked into the orphanage hand in hand.

It wasn't a very big reception room. There was a dark mahogany desk at the back wall a bit to the left, a door was next to it. Three seats lined the right wall and on the left wall was a shelf with lots of brochures lining it.

I sat down on one of the chairs and Adam walked over to the desk, ringing the little silver bell that sat on top of it, then came and joined me on the seats. He put one arm around my waist and I brought my hand up placing it on top of his on my hip, lacing our fingers together. He rested his head on my shoulder and I could feel that his breathing was jaggered. I placed my other hand on the inside of his lower thigh, close to his knee and gave it a small reassuring squeeze.

An old lady walked in the room causing Adam and I to stand up extremely quickly. He unhooked his arm from around my waist and instead grasped my hand in a death grip.

"You must be Mr Lambert and Mr Koskinen. I'm Marie. How has your day been so far?"

"Please call us Adam and Sauli. And to answer your question Marie, it has been very nerve wracking."

"Ah, yes, well that is completely understandable Mr Lambe...Adam." She corrected.

"Now if you would kindly follow me. You won't need to fill out any paper work unless you find a child to adopt."

She led us out the door and down a hallway to a door marked 'Playroom'. Inside there were about twenty kids ranging from two to five.

"Well, talk to the kids, get to know them. I hope you find a child that will fit into your family. I you have any questions feel free to ask any of the staff members walking around. If you do find your new son or daughter here, just come to the front reception, I should be there, and we will fill out the appropriate paperwork, then we will collect the child and its belongings and you will be free to go.

"Thank you." I said.

She then turned and left the room. I looked round the room, wondering where to begin. A little boy ran up to us. He had brown hair that looked as if it couldn't be tamed. He was wearing a whit polo shirt with and some navy blue sweatpants. He finished the outfit off with a pair of white sneakers.

"Hi I'm Marcus. I'm four years old. What's your names?"

"I'm Adam and this is my boyfriend, Sauli."

"I like your names." Marcus stated bluntly.

"Well thank you." I said chuckling slightly.

"Do you wanna come and see my picture."

"Yeah. We'd love to." I said, answering my question as to where we were going to start.

I looked over to Adam, but he wasn't paying attention. Instead, he was focused on a group of girls at the back wall playing dress up.

Marcus grabbed my hand and dragged me off to a table near the centre of the room. Adam refocused his attention and followed behind us. Sitting at the table were two boys who I am guessing were about the same age as Marcus. They had blonde hair and were both dressed in red track pants and blue t-shirts, horribly styled. Must have dressed themselves. Definitely twins.

"These are my friends James," He pointed to the one on the left.

"And Andrew."

"Hi." They both said in unison. We sat down on the tiny chairs at the table.

"This is my picture." Marcus said focusing the attention back on him.

He held up his drawing. i couldn't quite make out what is was.

"It's my playground tht I'm gonna build one day. This is the slide. It's right up to the sky nd then you slide down into a huge, huge, huge pool the size of the whole town thats filled with dolphins. And this one is the swing. It's made of lollies and chocolate. And this one is the fire mans sliding pole. You have to climb up the ladder and slide down. But when you slide down you slide into a pool. But this one's different to the other one. This one's made of coke.

"That is such a cool playground. Can I come and play there once it's built?" I asked

"Yeah, Of course. I'd love for you to come and play. Do you want to come to Adam?"

When Adam didn't answer I looked over to him. He was looking at the dress up box again. This time there was only one girl there. I nudged him with my elbow.

"Hm, yeah. I'd love to play at your playground one day."

"Adam pay attention. We can go to the costumes next." I whispered in his ear.

"It's not that. A girl at the costume box keeps trying to play with people but no one will play with her. It's unsettling that she's being ostracised like that." He whispered back.

"Ostracised?" I asked, unsure of the meaning.

"Left out. It's a form of bullying."

"Do you wanna see our picture now? We drew it together." James asked.

"Sure." Adam said.

"What's your job?" Marcus asked once the twins had finished telling us the long story about their drawing of monsters.

"Well, I'm a singer." Adam said.

"Awesome. Can you sing a song for us?" Andrew asked.

Adam cleared his throat and then sang a few lines from 'Whataya Want From Me'.

"Wow, you're amazing." James said.

"You should sing for everyone." Marcus decided.

"I'll go get a teacher and ask if you can sing for everyone. Marcus told Adam before running off to one of the staff members.

Adam followed behind and began to talk to the female staff member. After a short talk, Adam came back over to me and the lady walked over to a bell that was hanging from the roof and rung it three times.

"What song should I sing."

"Better Than I Know Myself. It sounds really good acoustic."

"Shh. Miss Carson rung the silence bell." Andrew told us.

"Ok, everyone sit on the mat. Adam here is gonna sing a song for us all." Miss Carson told the room.

All the kids talked excitedly as they ran over to the mat. I sat at the back of the mat so that I wasn't blocking anyone's way and Adam sat at the front on a stool that one of the staff had set out for him. Next to me was a little girl. She looked to be about three. She had shoulder length red hair and piercing blue eyes. The shape of her nose strangely reminded me of Tommy's.

"Hello everyone. My name is Adam."

"Good morning Adam." All the kids shouted in chorus.

"I'm gonna be singing a song called Better Than I Know Myself."

He did a few vocal preparations, then was ready to sing.

"Cold as ice."

The girl next to be began to play the guitar she was holding. It wasn't the right chords obviously but she was strumming mostly in time with the song.

"And more bitter than a December."

Adam suddenly stopped singing.

"Little girl at the back with the guitar." He said

She stopped playing immediately.

"Come up here, sit next to me."

She looked at me unsure. I stood up, grabber her hand, and led her to Adam. I grabbed a chair from the closest table for her to sit on then went back to my spot at the back of the mat.

"What's your name?" He asked her sweetly.

"Smelly." A random girl from the mat called out meanly making all the kids laugh.

This must be the bullied girl from the dress up box that Adam was talking about.

"Missy." Miss Carson scolded.

"My name is Ava." Ava said quietly.

"Well Ava, I noticed your fantastic guitar playing and thought you might want to sit up here and play it for everyone while I sing."

She nodded her head shyly.

"Don't be shy sweetheart. Ok, so, why don't you start playing and then I'll start singing." He told her.

She started strumming slowly, a smile creeping onto her face. It was really cute watching her ply the guitr while clutching her security blanket in her hand.

Adam started to sing. During the song he kept looking over to Ava and smiling. Towards the end of the song he put his arm around her shoulder protectively.

By the time the song was finished I knew that Ava was going to be our new daughter.


	7. Early January 2012 Bonus

Early January 2012

(Bonus Chapter - Adam's POV)

I sat in the middle of my family. My partner on my left and my daughter on my right. My family. Normally when I thought of my family I thought of mum, dad and Neil. But now I have a family of my own. It was all so crazy to think about.

I'm still not sure if I'll be a good dd but I know that Sauli will. I must not be that be that bad though cause she is no longer shy around Sauli and I. But whether I'm a good dad or not, I'm ready. I'm ready to be a father.

"Adam." Ava said from next to me.

"Yes sweetheart." I said turning my head to look at her.

"When are we gonna start flying?"

"Soon. I promise."

"Are you excited too Sauli?" She asked, leaning forward to look around me.

"Yeah I'm super excited. I love flying. Don't forget to look out the window when we go up."

"I won't. Will this plane take us to your house?"

"Well, the plane will take us to the airport and then your new grandma, my mum, will take us to our house."

"Why do we have to go to the airport first?"

"The airport is where the plane lives. So the plane flies to its home then we drive to our home." Sauli told her.

"Oh. I bet your home is cooler than the planes home though."

"Of course it is. But remember. It's your home now too." I told her.

Mum met us at the gate, a huge smile on her face. She gave me a hug and a kiss then looked at Sauli. va sat on his hip, head buried in his neck and her blankey still tight in her grip.

"Hi. I'm nana Leila. What's your name?" Mum said.

Ava clung tighter to Sauli, still shy around strangers.

"It's ok baby. This is Adam's mum. She's really nice." Sauli told her, then kissed her head.

Ava lifted her head up to look at mum.

"I'm Ava." She said quietly.

"That's a very pretty name. It suits you cause you're a very pretty girl."

Mum then looked directly at me.

"I especially like your pretty red hair."  
I just smiled.

"Well. I thought I better at least pretend I am carrying on the Lambert gene."

We all chuckled. Ava reached her arms out, stretching them towards mum. Mum took her from Sauli placing Ava on her own hip.

"Can I tell you a secret nana Leila?" Ava asked.

"Of course angel."

"You're really pretty too."

She smiled at mum and mum kissed her forehead.

"Thank you." Mum replied, her voice raspy.

I saw the tears begin to trickle down mum's cheeks so I eloped her in a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around her and Ava. I reached one of my arms out grabbing Sauli and pulling him into the hug too.

"I love you mum."

"Love you too Ad, and you as well Sauli. I love you all."

"And me?" Ava asked.

"Yeah. I love you angel. Now let's get you lot home."

I tucked Ava into her bed. We brought her some clothes on the way home but didn't buy bedding, so for now she just had a cream coloured duvet. Sauli and I didn't want to decorate the room until we had chosen a kid. We wanted them to he a room that matched their personality. Ava's probably old enough to pick the colour of her own room anyhow.

I stared at Ava smiling. Everything felt so surreal. I was tucking my daughter into her bed. I'm not sure how long it will take me to get used to this. I felt Sauli grab my hand and I looked at him. He looked exactly how I felt.

"This isn't a dream." I muttered, still somewhat unsure.

"Definitely not a dream." He reassured, squeezing my hand tighter.

I pecked his lips.

"Can you sing me to sleep please Adam?" Ava asked quietly.

"Of course sweetheart."

I began singing the acoustic version of aftermath, only stopping once her breathing had slowed and her eyelids had fluttered closed.

"Goodnight sweetheart."

I kissed her forehead then stepped back to watch Sauli go through the same notions I just had. I couldn't help but smile, he just suited being a dad so fucking much. I knew he would.

We walked out of the room hand in hand, leaving the door slightly ajar.

Once we were in our bedroom, I turned to look t Sauli.

"We have a daughter. We're dads." I said then kissed him.

The kiss was deep and passionate. My life was great.


	8. Mid January 2012

Mid January 2012

I'm not sure if Adam believed me when I told him that I was sick so I 'unfortunately' couldn't meet his new daughter. I thought as I strummed a random tune on my guitar. It's weird. I was fine meeting Riff and my niece and my mates kids but I just can't seem to pull myself together and meet Adam and Sauli's kid. Adam and Sauli are like my brothers, so it should be easy. Right? It should be like it was meeting Bridget for the first time.

I think it's the fact that they adopted their kid that affects me so much. Their child's birth parents abandoned her like I did Ava. I wish I could go back and keep her. Sure if I had kept her I wouldn't have auditioned for Adam's band and I would probably be sitting in a cubicle right now with a phone attached to my ear, but at least I would have her. My little piece of Amy.

If there was any possible way I could get her back I would do it.

I grabbed my glass of whisky of the coffee table and took a sip. Look at yourself Tommy Joe. It's noon and your already drinking.

Maybe if I ring the orphanage I can arrange to visit Ava. If she hasn't been adopted already that is.

I put my guitar back on its rack in the corner. I then pulled up Google and found the number then grabbed the phone of the kitchen counter before sitting back down and dialling. I finished the last of my whiskey as I nervously waited for someone on the end to pick up.

A woman answered. She sounded like she was in her twenties, thirties maybe.

"Hello. My name is Claire Roberts. How may I help you?"

"Hey, I'm Tommy Joe Ratliff and I um, well I left my new born, Ava, with you guys three years ago and I was wondering if there was any way I could come and visit her"

"Wait. Tommy as in Adam Lambert's bassist Tommy. Your Ava's dad."

"Actually, I'm the lead guitarist now. But can we please get back to Ava."

"Oh, right, of course, sorry. I'll just run your names."

There was a short silence on the other end then suddenly Claire started laughing.

"Oh wow. This is crazy."

"What is?" I asked, frustrated with her comedic view of this situation.

"Oh nothing. Sorry. That was really inappropriate."

No shit idiot.

"Unfortunately Ava was adopted. She was adopted this month actually."

"Who by."

"Because you asked for a closed adoption it would be a breach of confidentiality for me to tell you. I wasn't even supposed to tell you that she had been adopted."

"Is there any way I could switch to a open adoption."

"No sorry. I really wish I could help." Claire said sounding genuinely upset.

"Ok. I understand. You're just doing your job."

"Ok so here's where it's at. I'm a huge fan and Ava was one of the children I was assigned to help so at the risk of my job I'm going to tell you this. Ava has long hair down to her waist. She was constantly playing dress up and strumming on her toy guitar I got her for Christmas. I actually got it for her because I thought her nose looked like yours. Sam didn't believe me when I told her though. She said I was just imagining it because I was a fan. But look who was right. Ava does have your cute upturned nose. Right sorry for rambling back to Ava. She was socially awkward and never really got on with the other kids. Shoot I can hear someone coming."

"Thank you Claire. I'll sent a few autographs your way for helping me."

"Oh my god. Thank you so much. So will that be Thursday or Friday Mr Pats?"

"What...?" I asked confused.

"Ok coast is clear. Look I promise you will see Ava again. In fact I'm surprised you haven't seen her already."

I heard a click, indicating that she had hung up.

"Fuck." I cursed to myself.

I don't care what she said. I'm probably never gonna see my daughter again.

I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks and quite frankly I didn't want to stop them. I poured myself another glass of whiskey then swallowed the whole lot down. I then brought my legs up to my chest and curled into a ball on the couch. I closed my eyes and began to rock back and forth. I couldn't stop thinking about my baby.

Where was she? Does she still have her mother's blankey and my guitar pick necklace? Who were her parents? Fuck. What if she was adopted by some crazy ass red neck republicans. Oh god. What have I done.

Ok calm down Tommy Joe. It's highly unlikely that she is with republicans. Stop worrying yourself.

I heard feet shuffling around me and figured Isaac and Sophie must be home from their lunch date. They were whispering quietly to each other. It wasn't until I heard a child's voice that I actually started listening.

"Should I hug him better?" The girl asked.

"Yeah. He'd like that." Adam responded.

Or at least it sounded like Adam. Why was he here? Why didn't he knock? Why would he just barge in uninvited?

I felt the couch cushion sink a bit and a pair of small arms wrap around my waist.

"It's okay Tommy. Don't cry. I'll protect you from all the bad things."

I felt her kiss my cheek and decided that I should probably open my eyes. Even with my eyes open though, I couldn't see anything due to the mass amounts of tears. After a failed attempt at blinking them away I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

I looked to Adam and Sauli's new daughter and it all hit me at once.

Waist length red hair. Her mother's eyes. My nose. My guitar pick necklace. Amy's security blanket.

"Ava."


	9. Mid January 2012 Part 2

Mid January 2012

"Ava." Tommy muttered.

"So, Isaac and Sophie filled you in on the details then?" Sauli asked Tommy.

"I was told the basics. Name, hair colour and length, how much she likes playing guitar and dress-up's." He explained

I could see the happiness seeping back into Tommy's face as he and Ava hugged.

"We brought tacos for lunch." I announced.

I then walked into the kitchen. I put our tacos on plates and put the noodles I got Ava into a bowl for her. I then went back out to the lounge with our food. I sat next to Sauli on the loveseat and Tommy and Ava were still sitting side by side on the couch.

"Adam. I really need to go wees." Ava told me, bouncing in her seat.

"I'll take you." Tommy said before anyone else could respond.

He put their plates on the coffee table then grabbed her hand and walked her out of the room.

"What do you think is wrong?" Sauli asked me.

"I honestly have no clue. I'll ask him once we are alone."

I pecked Sauli on the lips right before Tommy and Ava came back in, still holding hands.

We finished lunch in mostly silence. Only engaging in occasional small talk with Ava.

Sauli collected our plates up and was walking into the kitchen when Isaac and Sophie arrived home. By this point Tommy had Ava back on his knee, one arm wrapped protectively around her chest and his head was nuzzled into her hair.

It warmed my heart to see them getting along so well. I had a felling that Tommy would love her.

Sauli came back in and upon seeing Isaac and Sophie, detoured from his path back to me in order to greet them with a hug. When they came over to hug me I whispered in Isaac's ear.

"Can you entertain Ava so I can talk to Tommy?"

"Ava do you want to come check out my drum set?" Isaac asked her.

"Yep Can I play on it too. I promise I'll be super careful."

"Of course you can gorgeous."

She went to get of Tommy's lap but he just held on tighter. She looked up at his face.

"Tommy you have to let go so I can get up. Silly Billy."

He let go and she got up and ran over to Isaac.

"Can I come too." Sauli asked, standing up.

"Yeah. I'd love for you to come Sauli. Do you wanna come to Adam?" Av asked.

"Another time sweat heart. I'm going to talk to Tommy. Have fun."

"Ok. Let's go."

Ava grabbed Isaac and Sauli's hand and let the lead her down the hall. Sophie following behind them.

I got up out of my seat and went and sat next to Tommy on the couch. He wrapped his rms around my waist and buried his head in my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair soothingly.

"What's wrong Tommy Joe?" I asked worried.

"I did a terrible thing Adam."

Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I can't. I'm sorry. Everyone will hate me."

"Nobody could ever hate you. I respect that you don't want to talk about it now, but just know that I'm always here if you need someone to talk to."

"Thank you Adam."

Tommy clung to me even tighter and we just hugged in silence for god knows how long. Blocking out the sound of the drums in the background. I wanted to ask him why he was so close to Ava after ignoring her existence for a week.

We parted when everyone came back in.

"It must be time to go home then." I announced walking over to Sauli and Ava.

"Yep. I'm pretty much tired." Ava said wiping her eyes and yawning.

Tommy, Isaac and Sophie walked us to the door.

Sauli and I hugged Isaac and Sophie, saying our goodbyes. I then turned to Tommy. I pulled him in for a hug and whisper sang in his ear.

"If, there is a load, you have to bear, that you can't carry. I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, if you just call me."

Tommy shoved me back whilst laughing.

"Cheesy fucker."

Sauli and I grabbed one of Ava's hand each and we walked across the lawn to the road where I had parked the car.

"He Adam." Tommy called out once we were halfway there.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at him.

"Thank you."

The corner of his lips turned upward slightly, forming a small smile.

"Any time."


End file.
